time to embark upon a serious writing project. My time had been devoted to other wholesome American pursuits such as 'family', career, seeing if Phil Mickelson was ever going to win another major golf tournament (especially if Tiger were playing), waiting in line at the Department of Motor Vehicles as well as trying to figure out just who had invented such things as the box lunch as well as who came up with the idea for granola. As I begin the fourth quarter of life, however, I figure that if I'm ever going to be a writer, I'd damn well better get started-----especially since, as a result of unemployment and the recession, I now have more a lot more free time than I ever wanted.It seems as if most all of the books on the subject of writing as well professional writing instructors advise inexperienced and still impressionable young authors to get started by "...writing about stuff that you already know about." Unlike some of the other subjects that teachers often lecture on (such as say, calculus, existentialism, or Einstein's Theory of Relativity), this concept makes complete sense to me. It is a much easier approach and you don’t have to waste a lot of unnecessary time learning how to be an expert on something such as say thermodynamics, “The Sex Life of the Tsetse Fly”, "Understanding the Mind of Your Ex-Wife (or Husband)", or "How to Cure Cholera for Fun and Profit". And while I have had formal training and even, for a while, a modicum of success in real estate finance (having actually been employed in this industry for decades) it seems that the topics that I really know about these days ----and in which I have unfortunately become too well versed --- are (1) coping with unemployment, (2) living on next to nothing, (3) living on actual nothing, (4) avoiding Rupert, the repo man, (5) dodging bill collectors, (6)forced dieting, and (7)explaining to close family members, friends, and the landlord for the umpteenth time why I am chronically as well as acutely broke -----and of course, (8)trying to find gainful employment. All of this knowledge has been garnered---- painfully and without the benefit of any anesthesia or even a single Tylenol.
I also recall having read in one of those same books for fledgling writers and budding novelists (I think that it was either "Writing Books for Dummies" or "How to Make Untold Billion$ as a Hollywood Writer") that most of the great works of literature involved some kind of journey upon which the author or narrator had, at some point in his life, embarked upon-----like Melville in Moby Dick. In researching this concept, I found that many of the great journeys in literature did involve actual trips such as crossing the Pacific Ocean in a rowboat or "road trips" to exotic places like Paris, Borneo or Waycross, Georgia. (In the pre-trip planning, most of the same writing books advise would-be authors to travel a sufficient number of miles from home----say,at least ten. It seems as if there is more allure, suspense, and invariably, adventure in places that are a greater distance from one's home
as opposed to a half-mile trip down to the local Wal-Mart.) In this case, your protagonist (i.e. me) currently finds himself out of work and my daily journey is one of actually trying to find the recession's Holy Grail ----- i.e. paid employment. My journey is definitely one of more than ten miles especially since any job interview or job fair is invariably on the other side of town. If the interview takes place on one of the top floors of a tall enough building, you can look out of any window with a Southerly exposure and generally see the curvature of the Earth between my house and the location of interview. (I'm pretty sure that the inverse relationship between one's need to minimize the travel expense and the actual travel distance to said job interview is one of the Immutable Laws of the Universe.) On an interview that I recenly had it would have been easier -----and cheaper---- to actually take the Space Shuttle to the interviewer's office.
Accordingly, it seems to be an obvious choice that I write about "my journey through the recession" and to chronicle my efforts ---and ocassionally, those of others----to "come to terms" with it (i.e. the recession) , survive and come out alive. To be sure, the hard times that many of us are experiencing are serious, real, and urgent. You will note however that sometimes the blog will take on a seriocomic slant or the approach of a “dramedy”--- i.e. part drama, part comedy. On many recent occasions, I have had to laugh in order to keep from crying or downright sobbing uncontrollably. Hopefully though, the reader will find some useful tips or nuggets that will help in your attempts to survive the economic downturn even if those tips relate some of my false starts, misadventures, and things that I have found out that absolutely don’t work -----and that you should “not try at home”. I also hope that you’ll also get a chuckle or two. The media and President Obama tell us that things are going to get worse before they get better. Thus, if your situation is even remotely similar to mine, you’re going to need a chuckle or two.
participate and write about. Running the bulls in Pamplona; hurdling Class VI rapids on the Colorado River; searching for Osama bin Laden, alone and unarmed in the mountains of Afghanistan; or maybe going to a Philadelphia Eagles football game and sitting in the home stands wearing the visiting team jersey---all would have been "sufficient enough" adventure for me. I suspect that any of these escapades would have been far less stimulating, less terrifying and less perilous than constantly living on the edge of disaster, being unemployed and looking for work at near sixty years of age in the midst of a real live, honest to goodness recession. 1. Do not, for one minute, try to con those people over at power company ( the telephone company, the city water department, the gas company or similar types of “for profit” institutions). I know from personal expereince that they WILL cut off your services for even the slightest of provocations such as and including not paying the monthly bill. All of these folks know exactly where you live, are relentless and they have already heard all of the excuses for non-payment that you could ever tell them, as well as a few that have not even been invented yet. Some of these folks at the utility companies are nice enough and some of them are even worried about being downsized themselves. But there are some of them who actually delight in chuckling at any and all excuses and will not accept temporary job lay-off, permanent job-loss, poverty, hangnail, volcano, avalanche, leg amputation, or even death as an excuse for non-payment. Don't even try it.
2. Do not get cocky or delusional about how well things are going a few days after your lay-off or terminiation. Sometimes new members of the recession, those that have been laid off for less than 60 days will get lulled into a false sense of security since they still have money. However you will soon find that at the most inopportune of moments, some heretofore reliably functioning piece of equipment such as your car's transmission, the refrigerator,
the furnace, or a kidney will suddenly quit working…and be in immediate need of expensive repair or total overhaul or complete replacement. I’ve learned this axiom over the past year or so and while it was not postulated by Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, Jonas Salk, Neils Bohr or some other famous scientist, I know this to be true. Count on it.The good news is that these ‘yet another crisis’ events are the mother of invention, innovation, improvisation and can be be the precursor to the learning of new skills. For example, just last weekend, the brakes went out on my car (in Atlanta traffic). Since I could already afford for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE to break or go wrong in my life, I was forced to learn how to replace the brakes myself through a DO IT YOURSELF Manual and some guidance from my good friend, Fred Bailey. While I am mildly appreciative to fate for forcing me to learn a new skill, I do not suggest that you attempt DO IT YOURSELF kidney replacement surgery, however. (While Fred is an absolute whiz at fixing almost everything, his services are not available to the general public. He also has not yet learned how to do kidney replacement surgery.)
3. It is very easy to loose weight while being unemployed during a recession. There is a silver lining to every dark cloud. Significant, dramatic weight-loss is definitely the silver lining of the recession. I know this because I've dropped 75 pounds in the past eighteen months largely as a result of being too broke to buy food and eat on a regular basis. (Just last week, one of my former co-workers, now unemployed himself, didn't recognize the new slimmed-down "me"as we bothgreeted each other in the unemployment line. Of course, he also looked a thinner himself since the last time that I'd seem him.)
4. While you are unemployed, you will experience an exponential increase in the number of people offering you jobs in which they essentially want you to work for free, participate in an obvious Ponzi scheme or engage in some supposed income producing activity where “a small investment maybe required”.
I have found in some cases that certain people will actually propose that you engage in activity that is illegal such as car theft, burglary, or even prostitution. As these kind of activities can be unhealthy and can also involve ocassional confrontations with local law enforcement officials, I would strongly suggest that you avoid such activity.
5. No matter how hard you are trying to find gainful employment, you will experience a ten-fold increase in the amount of useless or erroneous advice received from some of your "still employed" friends, strangers, and crazy relatives.
As an example, just yesterday, as I was going to yet another job fair (this time on the bus), a guy sitting next told me that he knew for an absolute fact that Circuit City, Linen and Things as well as Lehman Brothers were hiring people just like me. All of these companies have recently gone "belly up", of course... but I guess the guy meant well.
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SAY IT AIN'T SO JOE (or “I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT!”)
You probably suspected that this was going on too:
I ran across this copyrighted story in their January 10th edition, the Atlanta Journal Constitution. It reported that “Sellers took advantage of gas shortage”. The article reports that
“Nine gas stations, including one along Buford Highway, gouged consumers when Hurricanes Gustav and Ike hit last September, the Governor’s Office of Consumer Affairs reported Friday.
The Executive Park Chevron, at 2911 Buford Highway was fined $5,000 ---the greatest amount in the Georgia---and ordered to refund the overcharges if customers if customers can prove, by showing a receipt, they were gouged. Consumer Affairs received a complaint that the Chevron charged $4.69 for a gallon of regular gas on September 15. An investigation showed that the station shouldn’t have charged more than $4.39 per gallon, according to Consumer Affairs spokesman Shawn Conroy. …Another 196 stations across Georgia continue to be investigated, including a Cobb County retailer that allegedly charged customers $8.82 a gallon. Consumer Affairs wouldn’t divulge the station’s name because the investigation isn’t complete.
…If you suspect a station of overcharging, call 404-651-8600
or 800-869-1123. On the Web: http://www.consumer.georgia.gov/.”
Dear reader, didn’t both you and I suspect that these kind of shenanigans were ----and still are---- going on all along?! It wouldn't surprise me if we found that darn Dick Cheney somewhere around that Chevron station. (I can smell the smoke from his shotgun from here.) We’ve got enough problems trying to ‘fight back’ from the recession without this kind of conspiracy going on. I am going to go find my receipt as soon as I finish this note from the recession. You just can't trust those oil companies. The government should've made them bail out the Big Three automakers! They obviously have enough of our dough to do it!
Anyway, I gotta sign off for now, there's a knock at my front door. It's probably another wolf.
Starvingly yours,
JustPlainWill
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